How Much Is Too Much? A Smarter Way to Set Screen Time Boundaries That Grow with Your Child
Managing how much time we spend using technology can be very challenging. With all the different technology taking our attention such as smartphones, computers, and TV, it’s a constant battle to not get distracted. Resisting the temptation to pick up our phone during study or look at our phone before bed is a common challenge. Our concentration is easily interrupted by text messages and social media notifications. Children and adolescents are no different in their struggles with technology use. As they go through important stages of human development, developing healthy habits with technology is very important.
Parents report the endless battles they experience when asking their children to stop using their iPads or to pause their video games. Parents will often ask the psychologists at our clinic:
- how long should they let their kids use their iPad to play games or watch shows?
- how do you get kids to transition off devices without a screaming match?
As children become more independent over time, setting screen time rules which are flexible will help reduce both screen time and child-parent conflict. Whilst children in primary school commonly use devices for games like Minecraft and roblox, social media becomes more important to adolescents as they focus more on social relationships. Each type of content and usage has a unique set of challenges and in this article, we will provide suggestions for developing healthy tech boundaries for both primary-aged children and teenagers.
As kids grow and become more independent, static screen time limits become less effective and need to be more flexible. As children and teenagers develop, rules around technology also need to change.
Tech as a Learning Tool, Not a Habit (Ages 5-10)
Some parents can view technology as unhealthy for children to use, though it is the content and intended purpose for using the technology that matters. Parents should try to pick good quality content for children to be exposed to that has a positive impact on their development (see here). For example, children can benefit from educational content for their age. Content that leaves the child feeling happy or lets them use their imagination can be a great way for them to spend their time.
The 1-hour golden rule for screen time: Too much screen time can have a negative impact on health and wellbeing. A 1-hour rule can help put limits on screen time for children. Children are recommended to use technology for only 2 hours per day not including schoolwork (NSW Government, 2024). It’s possible to include some time for shared family screen time in this. Reminding children of their time limit before using technology and when their screen time is ending can help reduce conflict. If a child does not follow the rules, parents can use consequences such as reducing screen time the next day.
The bedtime "Tech-Off Rule" that improves sleep and focus: Blue light from screens can delay melatonin release which helps us feel drowsy at night and alert in the morning. Having a clear time for all in the house when technology turns off can help build strong sleep habits. A healthy bedtime routine can be 30 minutes which includes time for bedtime prep (e.g., pyjamas and brushing teeth) and quality relaxing (e.g., reading or being read a book, playing with toys, sharing stories, talking). More information can be found here for creating healthy sleep routines.
This only works when parents can also role model the behaviours they are expecting their children to follow. Some families use some aids to follow this rule such as having their wifi automatically switch off and back on in the morning, or having a ritual of locking devices away (such as in a K-Safe)
The importance of offline play and boredom in brain development: Its normal for children to tell their parents that they are bored. Boredom lets us know when we should change an activity and find something more beneficial. Boredom is the seat of creativity and we are doing a disservice to our children if we are inadvertently teaching them and showing them that being bored is intolerable. If a child says they are bored, parents should encourage them to find different activities that are interesting and challenging. For example, some kids will find Lego tasks to be the right level of challenge. Challenge can be turned up or down depending on what the child says. It is also part of growing up that we learn to become comfortable with our emotions and thoughts when alone.
The ‘First Phone’ Dilemma & Screen Independence (Ages 11-13)
Signs your child is (or isn’t) ready for their first phone: Parents give their children a phone when they are young because of safety, quick contact, increased social life and wellbeing. Having a phone requires responsibility. Parents should think about how responsible their children are before giving them a phone. Questions can include, does my child follow family rules? Do they share with me their concerns? Answers to these questions can help parents decide if they are ready for a first phone. You can find more information at the Raising Children Network on responsible use.
The “Family Tech Contract” method for setting phone rules: This is a great way of clarifying expectations around technology use for children young and old. It treats the child as a mature individual and makes them part of the solution. The contract will include statements or conditions that the child must meet while they are using their phone. The contract should be available to the child and located somewhere in the home that is visible to them. Examples of contracts and templates are available here. Parents can easily refer to the contract if a rule has not been followed.
Teaching preteens about screen-time trade-offs: Children should be told of the positive and negatives of phone use and why moderation is needed. This will help them to make smarter decisions. For example, a negative is that they might not get as much face-to-face interaction. A positive is that they can stay social with people when face-to-face isn’t possible. Parents should try to communicate with love and understanding by actively listening and empathising with their children’s views before stating their own thoughts and feelings.
Teaching Teens Digital Self-Control (Ages 14-16)
Social media anxiety and how to protect your teen’s mental health: without self-control we can find ourselves overusing technology. A lack of self-control can increase smartphones and social media use. Anxiety can come from cyberbullying, self-comparisons, social isolation, and addiction. Using a schedule and setting time limits on social media use is recommended. A schedule that creates boundaries around other activities (family meals, homework, sport, chores, bed routines) and allows for specific time to use social media can be helpful in managing screen time and getting good sleep.
The "Tech-Free Zone" strategy for reducing distractions and promoting interaction: Tech-Free zones are a good solution if parents are noticing that their family is using technology all the time at home. A tech-free space will allow for more face-to-face connection. Social media alerts and phone notifications can be very distracting during focused study. Tech-free zones will help support positive study habits, more interactions at home and healthier technology use. Modelling a tech-free zone can be hard for parents. One strategy includes using technology at home when their home is less busy or when kids are sleeping. You can visit this site for more strategies on creating a tech-free zone here.
Why late-night screens affect grades, sleep, and mental health—and what to do about it: Looking at screens at night can impact cognition, attention and academic performance. Parents can talk with older children and hear how they feel about social media. For example, they can ask how do you feel when you can’t access social media at night? Adolescents will be able to share with parents their experiences and help them understand their perspective. Parents should be empathetic and provide helpful perspectives during these talks.
Summary
It can be hard for parents and children to manage their technology use. Technology can be both helpful and harmful to children’s mental health and development. These strategies will help children develop positive habits with technology. As mentioned, parents can use the:
✅1-hour golden rule: this sets a limit on personal device use which is important for younger kids.
✅Tech-off rule: Important for sleep routines and getting better sleep.
✅Family tech contract: Makes expectations clear to children and holds them accountable.
✅Screen Time Schedule: this helps children and adolescents keep on top of what they need to get done (form included).
✅Tech-Free Zone: helps build connection and healthy relationships at home.
✅Talking about technology use: learning about your childs experience with social media is a first step in helping them manage their usage.
There is no perfect way to use these tools and methods. We encourage you to give them all a try. It’s important to involve your child throughout the process. If you feel that managing your childs technology use it too overwhelming, there is professional support available. Setting boundaries and discussing these concerns around technology can be difficult. If you feel your childs wellbeing is impacted and are unable to address it yourself at home, psychologists at Strength Psychology can help support you in creating a plan for healthier technology use.
References
Raising Children Network. (n.d.). Technology and children: Screen time and digital devices. Retrieved March 31, 2025, from https://raisingchildren.net.au/
eSafety Commissioner. (n.d.). Family tech agreements. eSafety Commissioner. Retrieved April 1, 2025, from https://www.esafety.gov.au/parents/resources/family-tech-agreement
Milovidov, E. (2023, September 6). How to make a digital detox zone in your home. Verizon. https://www.verizon.com/about/parenting/digital-detox-zone
NSW Government. (2024). Managing screen time. https://www.nsw.gov.au/education-and-training/digital-citizenship/parents-and-carers/managing-screen-time
Author: Aristidis Lavouasier
