Helping Your Child Make Friends This School Year: Simple Steps for a Confident Start
Starting a new school year can be exciting, and a little overwhelming. Whether your child has changed schools or has started in a class full of new faces, it’s normal to feel nervous about friendships.
I remember walking into my first day of secondary school, fresh from a tiny country school, feeling completely out of place. It took time, and a lot of awkward moments, but I eventually found my people.
If your child is feeling unsure, you’re not alone. With a bit of support from home, they can go from anxious to confident, one small connection at a time. Let’s explore simple ways to help them make friends and start Term 2 with more confidence.
Why Friendships Matter for Tweens & Teenagers
Friendships aren’t just fun, they’re vital for emotional growth. I learned this quickly when I started at my new and (to me) very large school. Having a friend to sit with at lunch could make or break your day (otherwise, hello, lonely lunch in the bathroom!).
Friendships shape how kids interact with the world, helping them develop.
As kids grow, peer influence plays a key role in identity and decision-making. But family remains crucial, providing the support and guidance needed to navigate friendships in a healthy way. For tweens and teens, friendships not only boost self-esteem and resilience but also foster essential social skills like empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution. They support emotional regulation by helping kids understand their own and others’ feelings and strengthen cognitive skills through conversations, problem-solving, and debates. When I found my group, it wasn’t just about lunch, it was about laughter, support, and knowing someone had my back.
Key Strategies for Helping Your Child Make Friends
1. Encourage Open Communication
When I was having a tough time finding my place and making friends at school, I didn’t really talk about it at first. I figured I’d just ‘figure it out’ on my own. But, spoiler alert: it wasn’t as easy as I thought. My dad, noticing the little sighs when I got home, casually asked how my day went. After a few minutes of brushing it off, I finally admitted I hadn’t really connected with anyone yet and felt a bit out of place.
Your child may not come home and say, “Hey, family, I’m totally floundering socially!” But encouraging open communication is key. Ask them about their day, listen to their concerns, and let them know it’s okay to feel unsure about making friends. After all, it’s completely normal to feel a little out of place when starting a new school year, especially when you don’t have your “people” yet. It’s basically the grown-up version of trying to fit into jeans that are just a little too tight. Uncomfortable, but it gets better (especially if they are high waisted).
Here are some simple but effective tips to coach your child to establish connection with peers:
Inquire about the method they use in conversation: For example, when you start talking to someone new, what questions do you usually ask? Which of your interests do you talk about?
The common interest: A simple but powerful tip is to explain to your child that if they can identify a common interest with a peer (eg. a game they both like, or a TV show or YouTube Channel they both like), this can become the foundation for organic conversation to grow from.
Role-play conversations and tricky situations: Practice entrances to conversation, as well as ways to handle friendship challenges, like disagreements or feeling left out.
More generally, parents can follow these tips to provide a safe haven to discuss social challenges and help children and teens organise their feelings and experiences when it comes to friendships:
Help them define a good friend: Ask, “What do you think makes a good friend?” and discuss qualities like kindness, trust, and respect.
Validate their feelings: If they’re struggling, acknowledge their emotions with phrases like, “That sounds really tough. Want to talk about it?”
Reassure them that friendships change: Help them understand that it’s normal for friendships to shift over time and that they will find their people.
Teach them how to set boundaries: Explain that it’s okay to step back from friendships that don’t feel safe or supportive.
Be their safe space: Let them know they can always talk to you about friendships without fear of judgment.
Great conversations often happen when kids feel relaxed and less pressured to open up. Casual moments, like driving in the car, walking the dog, or doing the dishes together can create the perfect space for meaningful chats. These everyday activities provide a natural setting where kids are more likely to share their thoughts without feeling like they’re in the spotlight.
2. Model Positive Social Behaviour
When I first tried to navigate the social scene at school, I quickly realised everyone else seemed to know how to make small talk, and I did not. I had the social grace of a giraffe on roller skates. But my dad? He could chat with anyone, effortlessly.
As a parent, you can model social skills by showing your child how to interact with confidence. Start small, say “hi” to neighbours, chat with shop assistants, or talk to other parents at school. Even if you’re not naturally outgoing, giving it a go helps encourage your child to do the same.
Ways to model and encourage social skills:
Greet people regularly: Say “good morning” to teachers, neighbours, and shop assistants.
Include your child in conversations: Let them help order food or thank a cashier.
Model handling awkward moments: If you fumble a conversation, laugh it off and show that mistakes are normal.
Praise effort, not just success: Acknowledge their attempts, no matter the outcome.
Identify strengths and challenges: Talk about what they find easy and what’s tricky, encouraging them to build on strengths while working on difficulties.
Remind your child that social skills aren’t about perfection, they’re about practice. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and the key is to keep trying, learning, and improving.
3. Support After-School and Co-Curricular Activities
Joining after-school activities was my secret weapon for making friends in high school. At first, I felt like an outsider, but when I joined a drama class, I found people just like me slightly awkward, into weird jokes, and a bit overdramatic. Shared interests made forming friendships easier.
Encourage your child to take part in activities both at school and in the community. School activities help them bond with peers over common interests, while outside activities expand their social networks and boost their sense of connection.
Extracurriculars during school hours are also great for meeting like-minded peers while giving them a break from academics.
Ways to support your child in joining activities:
Explore their interests: Help them find activities they enjoy, from sports to arts or robotics. Let them try different things to find the right fit.
Start with a friend: If they’re nervous, suggest joining with a classmate for support.
Balance school and community activities: This expands their social circles and gives them different environments to build connections.
Celebrate effort, not just success: Whether they make a team or just give it a go, praise their courage and persistence.
The goal isn’t to be the best it’s to have fun, build confidence, and make meaningful connections.
4. Normalize Friendship Challenges
Making friends in secondary school wasn’t as simple as saying “hi” and instantly clicking. It felt more like tuning a radio sometimes you have to try a few stations before finding the right one.
Let your child know that friendships take time. It’s normal not to click with everyone immediately, and not having a close group right away is okay. Every conversation is progress, even if it doesn’t lead to an instant bond. Also, normalise different friendship styles some kids love big groups, while others prefer a few close friends. There’s no “right” way to have friendships; it’s about what feels fulfilling to them.
Parents can also help kids recognise healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. True friends uplift, support, and treat each other with kindness. If a friendship makes your child feel excluded or anxious, it’s worth discussing. Setting expectations for how they should be treated and how they should treat others gives them confidence to seek positive connections.
Ways to support your child in navigating friendships:
Start small: Encourage simple interactions like smiling, making eye contact, or asking, “How was your weekend?”
Share your experiences: Talk about your own friendship struggles to normalise the ups and downs.
Expose them to different social settings: Arrange playdates, group activities, or clubs to expand their opportunities.
Validate their preferences: Whether they prefer big groups or one-on-one friendships, reassure them that both are normal.
Friendship isn’t about fitting into a mold, it’s about finding connections that feel right for them.
How to Spot When Your Child Needs Extra Support
If your child is withdrawing, isolating themselves, or struggling to connect, they may need extra encouragement. For me, joining a performing arts class helped, but every child is different. If they’re reluctant to go to school, having someone to talk to can make a big difference.
Watch for signs like sudden behaviour changes, increased stress about school, or avoiding social activities. If these persist, seeking support can help them feel more connected. If you’re unsure where to start, our team at Strength Psychology is here to provide professional guidance and support your child needs to navigate these challenges.
When It’s Time to Get Extra Help
👉 Contact Strength Psychology to book an appointment with a child psychologist in Geelong.
