The Bedtime Battle: A Psychologist’s Tips for Better Sleep

May 28

Having welcomed a new puppy into my family, I have been fully dealing with the effects of disrupted sleep and the effects of (mild) sleep deprivation. Over a well needed morning coffee, my tiredness got me thinking about sleep difficulties in children. Like puppies, If your child isn’t sleeping well, chances are that the whole family is feeling it! Sleep challenges in children don’t just affect the child, they ripple out, impacting parents, siblings, and the overall household dynamic. Whether your child struggles to fall asleep, stay asleep, or is simply not getting enough rest, it’s important to address these issues because sleep is a key factor in emotional and physical well-being.

Why Sleep Matters for Kids

Take a moment to consider your child when they are really tired versus well rested…Chances are you have imagined two very different presentations! When children don’t get enough sleep, it can affect their behavior, mood, and ability to focus. You might notice that your child is:

More irritable or frustrated
Less motivated
Easily overwhelmed
Less able to sustain attention
More defiant or noncompliant
Crying more often
Lacking energy for their usual activities
Slower in reaction times during play or sports

Clearly, sleep plays a crucial role in helping children thrive. In fact, sleep is important for all of us across the lifespan, but even more so for children who are still growing and when they rest their weary heads, their brain and bodies get busy developing. You may be wondering: “How much sleep is enough?” The tricky part is that there’s no magic number, as children’s sleep needs vary depending on their age and unique needs. Rather, sleep research has determined that most people’s sleep needs fall within a range depending on their age.

Here’s a helpful visual published by the National Sleep Foundation (America):

Image from: https://www.thensf.org/how-many-hours-of-sleep-do-you-really-need/#

These ranges can help parents make good decisions about bedtime and wake times, and another good indicator to how much sleep is enough is how well your child functions during the day. If kids fall asleep within 30 minutes of bedtime, aren’t up during the night or snoring loudly, wake up refreshed, and it’s between the range recommended for their age, they’re likely getting what they need. Except for when sick, when more sleep is definitely advisable!

Common Reasons Kids Struggle with Sleep

There are several reasons why a child may have difficulty falling or staying asleep:

Lack of self-settling skills – Some children rely on external factors like parents, screens, or other sleep aids to fall asleep. For example: A nine year old who needs her parent to lie with her to fall asleep.
Anxiety or nighttime worries – Concerns about separation from parents/caregivers, bad dreams, or fears about the dark can keep kids awake. Worries from the day can spin around in the mind at night time when distractions of the day are removed.
Sensory sensitivities – An itchy blanket, too much or too little light, temperature discomfort, or other sensory issues can interfere with sleep.
Inconsistent routines – Irregular sleep schedules can make it harder for kids to establish healthy sleep patterns.
Overstimulation before bed – High-energy activities, sugar before bed time, screen time, and naps too late in the day can delay the body’s natural readiness for sleep.
Primary sleep disorders- There are several primary sleep disorders that can impact children, including Obstructive sleep Apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder and (primary) Insomnia.
Brain differences- Research indicates neurodivergent kiddos (eg ADHDers, autistic children) may experience more sleep difficulties due to differences in brain chemistry, as well as the reasons above.

Tips to Help Your Child Sleep Better

The good news? There are many strategies to improve sleep habits! Here are some practical steps to support your child in getting the rest they need:

Establish a Consistent Routine

Set a regular bedtime and wake-up time, even on weekends. Try to stick to this as best the family can, knowing that some movement is ok. We just don’t want to create the “jet lag” feeling of changing our sleep and wake time by two or three hours for example.
Create a calming bedtime routine - this might include reading, a warm bath, or gentle music or guided mediations. Calming the mind and body really helps tiredness to be felt and sleepy cues to be noticed.
Use a visual schedule if needed to help children understand what to expect, and to keep everyone on track.

Reduce Stimulation Before Bedtime

Limit screen time at least an hour before bed - this is for several reasons. One being that screens will almost always be more desirable than bed/sleep!
Avoid large meals and sugary snacks before bedtime.
Create a quiet, relaxing pre-bedtime environment with dim lighting.

Address Anxiety and Worries

If your child has nighttime fears, talk through them during the day to come up with a plan for nights.
A worry doll under their pillow, or a notebook where they tell/write their worries down can help prevent worries from haunting them at night.
Teach relaxation techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Counting sheep can be effective, as can counting backwards in 1s, 2s or 3s!
Provide a comfort item, such as a cuddly toy, to help them feel secure. We want their bedroom to feel like a safe haven to cocoon them overnight.

Consider Sensory Needs

Ensure their sleep space is comfortable—adjust room temperature, bedding, and lighting as needed. Be mindful of pets that might disrupt sleep too!
Some children benefit from white noise machines to create a soothing environment.

Encourage Physical Activity

Ensure your child is active during the day so their body naturally craves rest at night.
However, avoid vigorous exercise right before bedtime, as it can be too stimulating.

Teach Relaxation Techniques

Help your child learn calming strategies such as deep breathing, guided imagery, or gentle stretching before bed.
Encourage mindfulness exercises, like focusing on their breath or using a relaxation app designed for children.
Introduce bedtime yoga or progressive muscle relaxation to help their body unwind.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

If sleep struggles persist, consider seeking targeted support. Your GP is a good person to initially discuss this with, who may then refer you to a pediatrician or for a sleep study if a primary sleep disorder is being considered.
At Strength Psychology, we can also help children to sleep better, especially if anxiety and worries are strong and coping strategies are low. We can work with parents and children to gain skills in sleeping better. Some of our team are trained in Monash University’s Sleeping Sound Program, a brief parent-led program to treat sleep problems in children with autism.

Check out https://www.monash.edu/medicine/psych/research/neurodevelopment/allplay-child-and-family-program/sleeping-sound-autism

Final Thoughts

Sleep difficulties in children affect the entire family, but the good news is that positive changes can make a big difference. By creating a structured, calming bedtime routine and addressing any underlying issues, you can set your child up for better nights, and happier days. If sleep struggles continue to be a challenge, don’t hesitate to reach out for additional guidance. (And it might be time for me to reach out for some puppy sleep tips too!)

1. Stick to a Consistent Routine
Try to keep your child’s bedtime and wake-up time the same each day—even on weekends—to help their body clock stay steady.

2. Wind Down Before Bed
Turn off screens an hour before bed, avoid sugary snacks, and create a calm, quiet space to help your child settle.

3. Support Worries and Fears
Talk through any worries during the day and use tools like a worry notebook or a comfort toy to help your child feel safe at night.

4. Make the Bedroom Comfortable
Adjust the room’s temperature, lighting, and noise to suit your child’s needs, and watch out for pets that might disturb sleep.

5. Keep Them Active During the Day
Daily physical activity helps kids feel ready for sleep at night, just avoid anything too energetic close to bedtime.

6. Teach Calming Techniques
Show your child simple relaxation strategies like deep breathing, bedtime stretches, or using a calming app to unwind.

7. Reach Out for Support if Needed
If sleep is still a struggle, talk to your GP or a specialist—help is available, especially if anxiety or other needs are involved.

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